I am running on one hour and ten minutes of sleep in the last two days. Me,my parents,Angela and Tim left here around 7:50am to go to Charlottesville,VA for my neices 4th birthday. I haven't laughed as much as I did today in awhile honestly,I wish my sister didn't live so far away sometimes.

I came home and showered,and here I am. I'll be asleep in less then a hour,I am like falling asleep on my keyboard right now.

I am still sad and hating life,it'll never change.

Went and saw Aliens VS monsters with Ugur,Gary and Amber this afternoon,it was good.

On the way home it happened again. I don't know how much I can take. Anthony said to me"I'm sorry. I really don't want to upset you,I just want you to know I still have love for you" And...this was while I was driving home...I had to pull over because I was crying so much. I actually had to pull over twice on the ride home..My head is so fucked up. I just feel like puking,it makes me sick.
I can't count how many times I just wanted to drive into the median on the high way tonight.


And at 7:30 AM I have to go to VA for my neices b-day party? I don't know how much longer I can fake a smile.

Things aren't working out at all. I got my ears scappled on Friday and they were okay for about two days. The all the sudden my right lobe started bruising really badly. And I think part of my lobe won't heal,if it doesn't heal then once the rest of that ear heals,I will have to get that part cut out and get them sown back together. If that happens,my ear will take up to 6 months before I can wear plugs again. That has been really bumming me out because I have put so much work into my ears and now this happens. I was at 2 3/4 and bam, this bullshit.My dad finally saw my ears and told me last night,"If I knew my daughter would be doing this to herself,I wouldn't of wanted one"
Everything bad is happening at once.
I have been nothing but down lately. I wish Anthony would stop messing with my head. He tells me that he thinks about me all the time,when he has a GIRLFRIEND and that we want's to talk to me about stuff and all the sudden cuts me off and changes his mind. I still love him which hurts the most. I am so lost and confused and I wish he saw that. He doesn't know how fucked up my head is because of all this shit and I just wish it could all go away. He was all I had for a awhile and it's all my fault I feel that I don't have him in my life.This whole Anthony thing has just shot my self confidence. I am startting to give up on myself ,I hate the way I look. I just want to be okay with myself.That's all I ask for.
And I wish that I lived closer to Ugur and Gary.
I want to just dissapear,from everyone and everything. I am slowly giving up on school,I don't think college is for me.I am stupid.